Tuesday, November 25, 2014
I don't talk much about food on this blog. My eating habits are nothing to brag about. I see many of you planning weekly menus, focusing on quality food. I'll let YOU all lead the way!
I'm just such a picky eater (Eating Issues) for plans made for "normal" people just won't work for me. While I don't have the quality, I at least try to keep the quantity under control. My exercise and activity allows me a few more calories than I'd be stuck with otherwise. With my exercise ... I participate in a number of reward programs. With Everymove, I earned a few "rewards" ... free meal planning from gatheredtable.com (a $120 value).
I glanced at the web site ... it looked like it could have some good feedback for those focused on food, with a more expanded palette than I posses. As far as I could tell, this is a FREE offering. I earned three of these awards (the code was the same for all three so ... I'm thinking it's not limited to a single use). I'm not going to use them myself, I figured about it here in case anyone wanted to try it out.
I know family dinners ARE important ... I'm just not sure how to make them happen right now! Yesterday, Hubs and #1 son didn't get home until after 7:00. I dropped off #3 at basketball practice at 5:30 and then picked him up at 7:00, dropping him at a second practice that didn't end until 9:30. #2 stayed after school and I didn't bring him home until 8:00. Unfortunately that's pretty normal for our house. Rarely is everyone home (and hungry) at the same time. But hopefully this meal planning promotion can help someone out there who has it a little more together! Let me know if you use it and how it works out for you!
The code expires December 31, 2014 and only new members are eligible.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Ah ... Monday Mornings.
Monday mornings have been a bit traumatic in our house of late. Anxiety Child (#4) gets comfortable being safe and sound at home over the weekend, and so the thought of returning to school for SEVEN WHOLE HOURS is completely overwhelming to him. I'm sure other kids, and even adults feel the same way. But Anxiety Child? He refuses to get out of bed, to get dressed, to eat breakfast. He says he's sick. He cries. He begs to stay home, or have me stay with him at school.
Sigh ... it was that kind of morning.
I tried to distract him by reflecting on the weekend and all that had happened.
- He's had a loose tooth that has been causing him pain for a few days and on Friday, he finally pulled it out! I'm so glad to have that troublesome tooth gone. Oh ... the tooth fairy STILL hasn't come! Flaky fairy!
- The boys got haircuts (I actually cut it myself, although the other boys required a "professional" at the local salon). Would his friend's notice?
- I picked him up the brand new Pokemon game for DS that he had been anxiously awaiting and saving his money for. Was anyone else lucky enough to get it too? Red or Blue?
- Daddy took him and #5 to see the movie "BigHero6" which he loved. Maybe some of his friends had seen it too ...
- He memorized all the state capitals and was ready to pass them off to his teacher ... one step closer to earning the "Great American Award" in school.
#4 and his new Pokemon game.
#4 in a silly mood.
Me and My Boy...
He Survived School!
It wasn't really a great weekend for me. Last weekend recap I mentioned that on Thursday night at Zumba, I wasn't feeling well. I made it through the class, and went to my Friday morning class, but felt a bit off the entire weekend. Well this week ... it happened AGAIN! Not at Zumba Thursday night. I felt great! It was Friday night. I was making #4 a toasted cheese sandwich when it came on. I felt dizzy. Cold and clammy. Nauseated. I needed to lay down before I fell down, but I also wanted to finish up the sandwich. I couldn't find the spatula, until #4 handed it to me (after I burned the sandwich). Off to bed. I felt awful. Hubs checked on me when he got home from his derby. Brought me a heating pad as I was still so cold. I mentioned #2 was still out with friends and he took care of getting him home.
I felt better on Saturday, but still had a bit of a "hangover" from whatever it was that hit me the night before. I stayed in bed for a while, and didn't bother to make it when I got out. It was just one of those "I'm not even going to make the bed" kind of mornings. I got a little elliptical in and felt fine, but not up to doing a lot. I played some games with the kids (Scattergories, BabbleOn, Boggle), made cookie press cookies (pumpkins for Thanksgiving) and caught up on some blogging (still REALLY behind on the family blog though!)
I'd actually thought I might get a lot of exercise in on Saturday. Hubs and the two older boys were helping get Maga's (grandma) stuff from storage into her new home and were gone most of the day. It was a yucky, overcast, dreary and depressing day though. Rain in the morning, snow in the evening.
The Blackham Boys & Maga's Move
So ... Monday morning. Hubs took the day off work to continue working on the move. #1 was off to work. The boys (including Anxiety Child) were off to school. I made it to Zumba, ran some errands, got in some additional exercise, did some cleaning and laundry). #4 was fine when I picked him up from school. They say he's always fine AT school... it's the anticipation anxiety that kills us! Linking up with MIMM ... hoping for Marvelous Mondays (on medication *Ü*???) in the future!
How was YOUR weekend and Monday morning?
Do you have any anxiety issues to deal with?
Sunday, November 23, 2014
A week's worth of Zumba stats!
Five different classes ... Five different instructors.
How did they stack up this week?
click on image to enlarge
- Monday with Southziders ... HRM 506, Fitbit 544 and 8235 steps. In Zone 52 of the 74 minutes (yup, we got a little extra time today). Average heart rate 125. I'm always ready to get back to Zumba after taking the weekend off. Love starting the week with Southziders. It just sets the tone. So, based on the numbers today (and #4 going to school without issue) it looks to be a great week! Nina, Sabik and Deb were the instructors today. Missing T out with a hurt knee. Pretty good crowd, but still more room, it's a big church.
- Tuesdays with Marian ... HRM 463, Fitbit 492 and 7119 steps. "In the zone" 54 of the 62 minutes. Average heart rate 130! (I think I've only achieved the 130s average one other time *Ü*) Feeling great today! I was a tiny bit late Marian is always so prompt starting exactly at 8:45). Wearing my new Zumba (official Zumba!) leggings that I got for FREE from said instructor (a coupon she gave me .. I did have to pay $5 shipping). I'm not quite comfortable in the tight fit (although actually the large is a little large, I generally wear baggy stuff), but wearing a jacket tied around my waist helped (covers up the butt!) Great way to start the day!
- Wednesday with MZL ... HRM 383, Fitbit 494 and 7101 steps. In Zone 42 of the 62 minutes. Average HR 117. Didn't quite get the Polar numbers as up today. I need a little bit of space to feel comfortable, and I felt a little crowded today (there WAS room, I don't know why the lady was standing SO close!)
- Thursday with Claudia&Co ... HRM 373, Fitbit 444 and 7253 steps. In Zone 42 of the 56 minutes. Average heart rate 121. I've normally been on time (even early) to this class, but today I had forgotten my purse&phone as I dropped off the elementary kids. I ran home to grab them and it did make me a little late. It took me a bit to get into my groove. Just Claudia and Marian as instructors today. Claudia has SO many songs and routines, I haven't done them enough to master many of them. I wonder how she remembers them all.
- Thursday with Marian ... HRM 438, Fitbit 423 and 6618 steps. In Zone 40 of the 56 minutes. Average heart rate 133! This was the evening class, and I was late again! I had to drop #3 off at his basketball practice on the way. I was happy to feel much better than I did last week (still not sure what happened to me then). I lead a couple new songs too. Polar was actually higher than the Fitbit! I was keeping the heart rate up and felt great :)
- Friday with Heather ... HRM 348, Fitbit 494 and 7437 steps. In Zone 28 of the 65 minutes. Average HR 110. It was a bit disjointed today. A late entry to the building, only to find out the power was out. Changed churches and got started. Again ... a little crowding of my personal space. I just need a little room to move without feeling like I'm going to run into someone. There was a collision between a couple of the kids which ended up in blood, tears and a fat lip.
I probably won't have a full report next week with the Thanksgiving holiday ... I know my Thursday group is taking the day off, and I'm not sure if I would make it even if they weren't (although we're going to the inlaws for dinner, so I don't have too much prep). The kids are out of school Wed/Thurs/Fri so that might screw with the schedule somewhat. Not sure if classes are happening those days either. I guess we'll see. Right when I really need the workouts to work-off those extra Thanksgiving calories!
Friday, November 21, 2014
Well ... the good news is it's another week staying under 150. The bad news is that I'm up again. It's funny how quickly your perspective can change. I just updated my WeeklyWeighIns page - a simple listing of the once a week weight, which is a different look than this weekly check-in. I remember back in mid-September, for my WWI#61 I was THRILLED to see 147.6. Absolutely ecstatic about it! Now? Not nearly as happy about it, having had several lower scale readings the past few weeks. But ... as I mentioned up top, I did stay under 150, which is my main goal.
Last weekend wasn't great. I was running low on energy starting Thursday night, so my Friday, Saturday and Sunday weren't wonderful ... but that's not unusual for my weekends. My Mondays are generally pretty great, but not as much this week. I got in the activity, but also went overboard on the eating. I had great days Tuesday and Thursday, Wednesday was pretty good too (Hubby's birthday). But I was eating a bit more overall. It IS TOM time this week as well ...
NUMBERS: Up 1.7 from last week (ouch!). Average is also up (1.98 there, ouch again). My eating wasn't as bad as I thought ... I averaged an intake of 2114. My activity averaged at 2973. It all equaled out to a deficit of 4000. So not sure WHY I'm up so much.
I'll keep at it and hopefully we'll drop a bit again ... enough that I'm not afraid of popping over 150 with a bad day. Next week though? It's going to be challenging! I mean ... it's THANKSGIVING on Thursday. It also means the kids out of school (which means sleeping in and a disruption of my schedule). I'm also on deck to make dinner for 40+ teenage boys on Monday (apparently all parents are required to "volunteer" to do this as a pre-game activity). I'll be watching my son in his first basketball game on Tuesday. We have friends coming in from out of town to spend the day on Wednesday ... and did I mention Thanksgiving? I'm NOT going out shopping on Friday, but I don't know if the Zumba classes are still going, as that's pretty much a holiday too ...
I'm a little nervous about next week.
Maybe I'll be too nervous/busy to eat?
Link-up with ...
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Oops ... I didn't get a post up yesterday. Usually I do! Monday is my MOTIVATED day. The return to routine, back to the structure of the schedule. I do SO much better Mon-Thursday. Weekends? I'm "weak" ... exercise and eating suffer. I don't know that I really relax, but I don't hold myself to the same standard. It's the weekend ...
Yesterday, I was a little nervous to step on the scale. I'd bumped up a bit even for my Friday weigh-in. Up a little more Saturday morning. Up a little more on Sunday. Would I be able to stay on my "under 150" trend? I did. 148.9 Monday morning. But as I didn't get my post up yesterday, I also didn't keep my calories in check (had the folks over for "Grandparents and Games" night, with pizza and ice cream). Even though I got in quite a bit of exercise during the day... I was up to 149.6 this morning. So if I want to stay in my happy 145-150 range, I'd better shape up! No relaxing!
This past WEAKend wasn't great as far as food/fitness. The decline actually started Thursday night. I went to Zumba in the evening (after hitting a class in the morning too). Usually this is a good thing. One final push before the official Friday morning weigh-in. But last Thursday? I felt off. A little light-headed. I was COLD (instead of sweaty and hot). My heart rate dropped ... and I didn't care. I finished the class, but didn't get great numbers. I thought maybe I hadn't eaten enough, so I did eat more when I got home.
Friday morning weight was up a bit. I went to Zumba and felt pretty good. Not my usual bouncy self, but nothing like last night. I got in my hour of elliptical spread throughout the day, but I took it pretty easy.
Saturday was fairly low-key. I slept in. The hubs and I hit a matinee at Hale Theater. This is more high class than the Desert Star theater which we also frequent (and which I really do love). I actually performed at Hale Theater myself years ago when they first moved to Utah ... before they turned professional.
The show was "Catch Me If You Can" which you may recall as a movie starring Tom Hanks and Leonardo Dicaprio some years ago. I really enjoyed the movie, and I also read the book and really liked it. I enjoyed the play too. It was a musical, a bit too much dancing. I like dancing ... admire it as I can't do it myself. It was just a little overpowering on such a small stage (it's theater in the round). It really must be quite a workout for those dancers every single performance! It would be interesting to strap a heart rate monitor and Fitbit on them and get their stats! *Ü*
Unlike Desert Star, it isn't a dinner theater ... so I didn't go completely overboard on popcorn, cheesy bread & drinks. But they do sell concessions, and Hubs bought me a GREAT BIG chocolate chip cookie.
#3 had a basketball game Saturday evening. I did my usual pacing around before and during the game and got in 7000+ steps. Not really active steps, but steps none the less. Better than just sitting. I don't like just sitting. I just hope I don't look too weird walking around. Everyone should be watching the game anyway, right? Pretty easy win for the boys, the final game of this season ... but the next season is just around the corner (and I'll have three boys playing then, #3 playing in two leagues, so double the games and practices for him).
On Sunday I made the traditional Sunday Circles breakfast. This week I DID NOT EAT A WAFFLE. Every week I tell myself I can make them but not eat them ... but I always end up eating one. I didn't this week. I missed it a bit, but you know ... it was ok. I still snuck some bacon and hash browns, but I actually kept calories in check. I made baked ziti for the boys for dinner ... I don't eat that myself, so no temptation there. I actually LOVE making dinners I don't like. It's very helpful in controlling my eating!
I didn't even have any "anxiety child" excuses yesterday! #4 went to school ... maybe not happily, but willingly, with no tears. Unheard of for a Monday morning lately! He really struggles going back to school after spending the weekend in his home happy place. I think distraction is a key with him. We were very busy in the morning finding homophones (those words that sound the same, but are spelled differently and have different meanings). It was fun and it kept his mind occupied I think. On that note ...
I need to make sure my WEEKends aren't WEAKends!
Linking up with MIMM (a day late and a couple pounds over!)
Sunday, November 16, 2014
A look back at my Zumba classes this week.
Five different classes. Several different instructors.
Stacking up the Stats.
- Monday with Southziders ... I wasn't sure I was going to get a Monday class, as Southziders were going to do a bit for Fox News instead of our class. That ended up not happening, so class was back on (although due to the confusion it was smaller than usual). But I was so happy to have class, it's how I like to start my week! Good numbers today!
- Tuesdays with Marian's Class... I actually made it on time today! We had a fairly full class today. Happy to have more people coming. I missed my shadow (#4, who I left at school sobbing this morning). Was it only a week ago he came with me? Feels like forever (as we try to figure out what to do about his anxiety issues). Good numbers ... SO close to 500/7000 on the Fitbit!
- Wednesday with MZL ... We did get a little extra time today which does help push the stats up. I was happy to make it on time today... I've been bringing my Zumba stuff with me as I drop the kids off at school (and have to peel away from #4). I used to make a quick trip back home but that hasn't been happening of late. It was a very good class today. Started strong, and kept moving the entire time until the cool down. I didn't have water, and I think I needed it today!
- Thursday with Caludia & Co ... coming straight from the school I'm one of the first ones here (I didn't even have to walk the child to class today! He got out of the car himself!) but there are often a few things to do to get ready, like opening the overflow and closing the curtain to the chapel. Claudia, Marian, Kristy and Nina were the instructors today. Nina even did "Solider Boy" which I had requested. Several new songs though. I am getting better at picking up steps.
- Thursday with Marian ... evening class. I was a little late as I had to grab #3 from the middle school and drop him at the high school (going from one basketball practice to the next). I was NOT feeling 100% though. I'm not sure what was up with me. I felt lightheaded and chilled (usually Zumba makes me hot!). My heart rate dropped and I didn't really even have the energy to care. There were only four of us there, and that might have affected the energy a bit too. I did finish the class. I think maybe I hadn't eaten enough ...
- Friday with Heather ... the gym is freezing when we enter, but we soon warm things up. There were SO many kids today! Around 12 adults, and twice as many children playing on the stage. It's a little distracting ... and maybe more so when they all disappear (I wonder what they are doing then?) A few new faces I hadn't seen before. Missing T who hurt her knee on Wednesday. Some sound issues, a short in the system. Hope it gets fixed! :)
Took a break from Zumba Saturday and Sunday ... back at it tomorrow!
Friday, November 14, 2014
I wasn't sure how this week would go. It was a birthday week, with ensuing celebrations. We went out to dinner on Saturday for my mom's birthday. Out to dinner again (with cake after) on Monday for my birthday. I was really surprised when I didn't have more of a bump up after all that. My Thursday morning weigh-in was right on track, so I thought I was good. I had a good day on Thursday too, kept calories fairly in check, got in a lot of cardio (two Zumba sessions). I was surprised when weight was up a bit for my official weigh-in.
NUMBERS: Weight was up 1.1 from last week. My average weight was down (just a tiny bit, -.56 to 146.01). My eating intake was up, 2314. My exercise average was 3056, so still pretty good. It evened out to a deficit for the week of -3199. That didn't show on the scale, but oh well. Another solid week under 150, I count that as a win. I love being in the 140's after SO long stuck in the 150s!
Alas, no Friday Five again this week, but I'll join my weekly check-in link-ups:
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Yesterday was my birthday. In addition to going out to dinner and having family over for cake, Hubs got me some red roses, and wrote up a nice tribute on Facebook for our friends and family to see. He said ...
Did you know:
- This girl WILL NOT eat pizza. PERIOD.
- She does not like when I try on her bras (I know...TMI)
- She has attended/videoed/cheered on more of our boys' sporting events than me by a ratio of 30:1 (and that's probably conservative)
- One year we were needing a new family vehicle and I needed a new work vehicle...almost without hesitating she said: No, I think you should get a new truck. (true love, right?)
- Favorite restaurant: TIE - Red Robin and Texas Roadhouse
- Favorite color: gray (get it? wink wink)
- MIGHT have an acute anxiety for driving
- She is a walking infomercial for FitBit
- Zumba, anyone?
- A voracious reader! The length of the list of books she's read boggles my mind
- She is the consummate caregiver. She might actually enjoy when I'm under the weather because it's then that she can "take care" of me. And, yes, I'm guilty of milking my illness from time to time because I know how good I have it.
- She is the mother to 5 boys who simply don't know how good they have it. Someday they'll get it.
Here's to you, babe. Happy birthday! Love you
Wasn't that sweet? But this post isn't about my birthday, but rather about bullet #10. I'm a reader! I've been happy to combine this love with my love of staying active, by "reading and riding". I'm a convert to digital books, and my Ipad and/or Kindle fit perfectly on the stationary bike. Unlike a regular book, where turning the pages and trying to keep them open can be an issue, digital books are so user friendly. The lighting in the gym isn't great, but that's ok, as digital books have a backlight.
Another wonderful thing about digital books is the ability to borrow them so easily. I love my library! It's pretty close by, but it was still a bit of a pain to have to go in and check out the books, and return them by the due dates. Borrowing books makes it a snap. I can make a wishlist, see which ones are available immediately. Those that are already checked out, I can put on hold. When it is my turn to check them out, I simply click and download. Returning is just as easy ... or do nothing and they simply "go back" when they are due. No late fees. I've been borrowing a LOT of books from my library lately!
As I opened up my Kindle app the other day, I noticed all the white "covers". Those are books that "expired" and went back into rotation at the library. It's fine ... I was done with all of them! In the past, I did like to own books, and reread my favorites. But now? There are SO many out there and they are so easy to obtain, I don't know that I'll ever read a book twice again! Also ... some of the selections are for the kids (I'm not reading Zombie Goldfish or Big Nate myself ... although I do often read the kids books just to keep apprised of what they are reading).
Speaking of the Kindle ... that is my favorite way to read my digital books. Not ON the Kindle mind you, although I do have one. I prefer the Kindle app on my Iphone. I know it's small, but it's perfect for reading on the go or in bed. I recall reading book 5 in the Harry Potter series while pregnant with #4. That book was SO heavy! I'd rest it on my big belly and the baby would kick at it - I think it was too heavy for him too! My phone is so light, and it has a light (so I don't need a lamp) and I always have it with me anyway.
We did invest in Amazon Prime ... in addition to the free 2-day shipping and the streamable shows, our Prime membership allows us access to the Kindle Lending Library. Once a month, I can borrow a book (on the Kindle, it doesn't work on the app unfortunately). So in addition to my library borrowing, I grab one from Amazon every month too. Many are available there that aren't at the local library (many indie authors and such ... not all are winners, but it's still a nice option to have).
Just as the television is a motivator for the elliptical and treadmill time, my books are a great motivator for me to hit the bike. As I've started up monthly posts about What I've Been Watching, I thought I'd check in each month or so with a quick spotlight on what I've been reading. I have touched on the topic a few times before in the blog (books) but I figured maybe I'd make it a regular feature (as my friend Runaway Bridal Planner does on her blog). I always like to look back on what I've read ... so I'll put it here and you can peek too! So if you're interested, check back on the second Tuesday of next month!
Are you a book buyer, or book borrower?
Monday, November 10, 2014
My Polar greeted me this morning. Yup. It's my birthday. It was actually 6:30 in the morning when I picked it up ... I never got around to changing its clock during daylight savings last weekend. I'm not sure that I will.
I actually had a pretty good Monday morning weigh-in (147.1). Yes, it's up from Friday's official weekly weigh-in, but not as bad as last Monday. We are going out to a birthday dinner tonight, and then having some cake, so I'm not sure about tomorrow!
It was a pretty good weekend though ...
- Friday, the elementary kids were out of school. I still hit my Zumba class, but went on a bit of a Halloween candy binge. I didn't get in quite as many steps as usual, as I spent much of the day making a quilt for Hubs (his birthday is coming up quick too). Friday was my mom's birthday. The siblings were getting together, but Hubs and I weren't able to make it.
- Saturday ... started the day cheering on #3 at his basketball game. Lately, I've been trying to walk around during the games. I usually get in 4000-6000 steps. There wasn't really a good walking spot, but there were bleachers. I had a section to myself (so I wouldn't bug anyone) and I did a little "step up, step down" during the game. I got in 4000+ steps and actually worked up a pretty good sweat!
Saturday evening, I had made plans to take Mom out to dinner. My sister, my brother and his wife joined us. We went to a nice Chinese restaurant, and then back to the folks house to play games.
- Sunday was busy. We had the primary program at our church. #4 was NOT very happy about participating. Hubs mom (Maga) came out to see the boys. Then we had to rush to my brother's church, where they were blessing their baby. We went to their house after to socialize ... and eat too many cookies!
The little boys and Maga ...
I did get in elliptical each day, and tried to combat the calories. With the candy, dinner out and cookies, I'm pretty happy I am where I am this Monday morning. I SHOULD have eaten better today ... banked some calories for Texas Roadhouse and some cake. Alas ... oh well, it's only my birthday once a year, right?
Linking up with Marvelous in my Monday ... how was your weekend?
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Weekly re-cap and stacked stats.
A variety of different Zumba classes and instructors.
How do they compare?
Another week of Zumba ... I got six classes in. Not a Saturday class, but double duty on Thursday. This past week, my eleven year old son attended two classes with me. I thought he did pretty good! Here is the rundown ...
- Monday at Southziders ... It was a really rough morning with #4, I wasn't sure if I would be able to get my heart into Zumba, but it was nice to have the release. I was a little late (having to stay at the school for a while with my anxiety child), missed most of the first number. Glad it still went over an hour. Nice to have Nina and her bouncy energy back! They had me do Hava Nagila. There were a couple "arm" songs that look deceptively easy, but really bring the burn! Ouch!
- Tuesday with Marian ... I was late again. I just can't quite get the kids off and get to class. Mornings have been especially rough lately with anxiety child. In fact said child accompanied me to Zumba today. I told him he had to join in and I wanted him to get 6000 steps (he was just shy of it). I thought he did pretty good for his first time! I did a couple of numbers (Steph and Suzanne, who sometimes help out weren't there today).
- Wednesday with MZL ... Class was longer than an hour, I was late (more anxiety child issues!) Good class, although I missed a few favorite numbers. I guess I should put in requests (they do take them!)
- Thursday Morning with Claudia&Co...Good to get back to this class after missing a couple weeks for school functions! Just Claudia and Marian for most of the time, with Nina coming in at the end. Got my "Cha Cha Swing" on. I was actually early today, coming straight from dropping off the kids at school (and #4 went without too much issue today).
- Thursday Evening with Marian ... I was free this evening, so I hit Zumba, bringing along #4 again. He gave out after 40 minutes. We were a little late, so we didn't get in the full hour. Good numbers for the time I was there. Trying to figure out if the carpet makes it "harder" driving the heart rate up?
- Friday with Heather ... the elementary was out today, and I wondered leaving the boys as long as it would take to get across town to this class. But it's hard to miss, and the boys said they would be fine. Heather had been under the weather and had sick kids, so this was her first full day back in a bit. I miss the A/C in the building ... the churches turn it off for winter I guess. It was really cool when we first got into the gym, but we heated it up quick enough.
Nice to get back to five different classes. All the instructors have their own style. Different crowds, different methods. SO many different songs! I wonder how the instructors choose the ones to fill the hour?