Word Cloud Header

On my Facebook page, I'd had a graph of weight through the years for my banner image ... but it was pretty out of date. While I do still weigh in daily, I don't input my stats in excel, which is where I'd created that graph. As my scale stuff has been less than successful for several years, I figured I'd update the cover photo to represent all my interests.  I found a site to create Word Clouds (wordcloud.com) and typed up a list and  ...

Home Alone 3

The family went on vacation.

I spent 10 days home alone. 

Luckily there were no bad guys to battle.

My husband has been bitten by the travel bug ... unfortunately, I'm allergic to that particular bug bite. Okay, not really, but I don't travel well. We've been able to adapt, and Hubs gets a bit of his bite attended to by traveling to or with his brother and their family. While it's not an official, annual trip, Hubs and the boys have been making the trek out to Seattle several times the past few years. This year marks my 3rd Home Alone staycation.

I made the first couple trips, when my BIL lived in Portland. Then they moved to Seattle. I never made it there. The first trip was in 2010. Fellow homebody #4 sat out the trip staying with me, so I wasn't alone that year. Then in 2013, Hubs and all five boys were off, leaving me Home Alone.  They went again the next year (Seattle 2014), that was Home Alone 2. In 2015, Hubs hit Europe (with his BIL and family) and that was the vacation for that summer. A Seattle trip was planned for 2016, but Hubs backed out at the last minute (Meniere's had been acting up). But 2017 ... it was on. This time, the whole family (sans myself) was flying. First time on an airplane for the two littles. I was home alone for 10 days. I know many a mommy wishes for "some" alone time. This was a little long, but Daddy and the boys kept in touch and I was able to enjoy the vacation vicariously.

I've documented this year's vacation on the family blog. Here at home ...

• EXERCISE: Didn't increase dramatically like it did when I was Home Alone in 2013. I got in my Zumba class Mon-Fri and did do some Sat/Sun on my own (which I usually don't if everyone is around). No one to battle for gym time, so I did pretty good hitting elliptical, treadmill, bike and weights while they were gone. Hubs said he managed to get in several runs during the vacation.
• EATING: Stayed pretty much the same ... it sure would have been a struggle on the trip! Between simply snacking a lot, and me just not liking stuff (Hubs had to make some special arrangements for #5 when he didn't like the location they were eating at, but I've much worse). I went out to eat twice ... my MIL took me to dinner, and I met my mom for lunch one afternoon. I made my mint brownies, so those were around to tempt me the entire time. I tried to be good, and had some good days ... but also had some days that were uber over.
• SLEEP: Hubs is an early to bed boy (as he's almost always up early too) and I generally try to shut down and join him, even if I'm just reading in bed. When he's gone ... I tend to stay up later, and that was true in this case. Some sleeping in, but really no different than the usual summer schedule. I grabbed a couple naps in the quiet house too.
• MOMMY DUTIES: With the family gone, many of my daily "chores" all but disappeared! When the guys first left, I did a pretty good house cleaning and ... it stays clean with just me around. Whereas laundry and dishes are usually a daily duty,  it was only needed a time or two these 10 days. Shopping was impacted ... I had to make sure I didn't overbuy before the boys left.  Anything perishable wouldn't last. I did a decent cleanout of the fridge. I still hit the store a time or two, and then restocked right before they got back. Making the bed was easier, with only half of it being used each night... and I'll admit I left it unmade some of the time. Lawn mowing requirements were the same. One job I had to take over was changing the kitty litter ... usually #4's job. 
• OTHER ACTIVITIES: With no boys around, I admit I did a little sun-bathing in the back yard. With all my mowing and yard work in a tank top, my shoulders were already quite tan. I slipped on a swim suit and let my bottom half catch up a bit (with my head and shoulders in the shade for comfort). I did get in a bit of reading while sunning ... although the weather didn't quite cooperate. It's been a bit of a joke that as the boys go to Seattle, Utah gets hit with Seattle weather! Several rainy and overcast days (but no flooding as happened in 2014 ... at least not at our home. There WAS flooding in the Sugarhouse area.) I also went and got my nails done. I watched three movies (streaming, I generally don't get around to movies, just TV series while I work out). I had planned to catching up on some blogging, but only got a few posts done. LOTS of reading!

 My New Nails

I laughed a little, as Hubs had forgotten to notify the credit card companies of his travel plans. He managed to set off fraud alerts on both cards (we were able to get it resolved so he could continue to spend $$!) Hubs and the boys sent pictures, videos and texts to keep me up to date on their adventures. Also checking in to make sure I was alive and well here at home. Alone.

Election ... Oy

This is my brother. This was his Halloween costume. I loved it. I laughed. It was some needed humor in an otherwise awful election cycle. Honestly? I'm not a political person. I live in my little bubble. I must admit, I'd never voted or paid that much attention to all the political hoopla. I don't know that anyone was able to avoid it this year. 

There are people who are actually excited about their candidate and are absolutely voting FOR that person. Then there are party people, who admit their candidate is flawed and is not their first choice, but is better than the alternative. Or they simply stand behind the upcoming Supreme Court posting positions and base their vote on that despite any dislike for the candidate. Throw in a few third party candidates and some extremely unlikely ( but not impossible) scenarios ... the election issues have been going on for a while, but really intensified in the last few months.

I've spent some additional time on the internet attempting to educate myself on some of the issues. I'll be the first to admit I don't have an understanding of several still. 

The comments section on posts and articles? Downright dangerous and disheartening to read most of the time. And the errors! When attempting to persuade others to your point of view, can I just say ... please proofread. Your instead of you're (heavens, use UR if UR trying to save a step, not your), are instead of our, their or there instead of they're. Heaven knows I'm not perfect, and if I don't catch and edit my own errors (especially if it's the your/you're) you can call me on it! Facebook allows editing. Fix it! I'm much more willing to accept (not except) a logical, well-thought out argument over the biased memes and tabloid articles. I've seen it on both sides, and it unfortunately undermines my opinion of whatever is being said. I'm more impressed with a list of positives.  I might be persuaded. Attack ads often create a backlash effect and put me on the defensive, especially with unproven and inaccurate allegations.

With my anxiety issues (crowds, lines ... leaving the house), thank goodness mail in ballots are an option (even postage paid). Additionally, I still needed info for voting beyond the presidential choices. It's the local and state policies that will be more likely to impact us immediately, yet they've  been a bit overwhelmed by the national debate.

All my reading up ... it's time I haven't been exercising. There has been some stress/emotional eating. Some curling up into a fetal position in bed. Sometimes more sadness about the conflict and hostility between family and friends than the actual issues. I've had to unfollow friends on Facebook, just because I couldn't stand the constant negativity filling up my Facebook feed (I'll have to try and go back and check into their lives after the election, if it's safe). I was not one to post political stuff myself. I'd hesitantly comment here and there, on friend's feeds, but didn't dare on public accounts. Here's hoping there is an actual END to the election itself, eventual acceptance ... and moving on, come what may.

Tan Lines, Tanks and a Duck Update

... in addition to my hour of elliptical and Zumba classes, I've been getting in quite a few walks to the canal near our house. It's where my duckies are now. I go visit them a couple of times a day, bringing them a little food and just checking in.

Four of our six ended up at the canal. We aren't sure where the other two are ... hopefully they are okay! Because some of our ducks are a black mallard mutation, we can pick them out among the other ducks. There have been plenty of other ducks around too (you can see there are more than four in this picture, the others have come to appreciate my food visits as well). 

Originally, our ducks had settled on the South side of the canal, about 1/4 mile down. They stayed in about the same spot for a little over a week, and then I was never quite sure where they would be. Once, they were all the way at the end of the South side (about a half mile down). That would be a long walk. Then they started to hang out right by the bridge. Those were very short walks (wouldn't even register on my ChargeHR).  Then they moved down to the North end and stayed there for well over a week.  I found the North side is not quite a bad with the goat-head stickers in my shoes, that was a plus!

Unfortunately ... our Uno (our egg hatched, traditional mallard) has been missing for a bit. We don't know if he flew off somewhere else, or if something bad happened to him. Not knowing, we'll hope that he is safe and happy somewhere. My other three duckies have continued to hang out and watch for my visits, so I've continued to get my walks in. It's nice if I can get there early in the morning, or later in the evening, when the sun has set and it isn't quite as hot. But, sometimes I'd get it in after Zumba, and before dinner, because that was when I had the time. Those are some hot walks!

I'm not really a tank top girl. Never have been. Part of that may be contributed to being raised LDS and dressing modestly being an important issue for girls in the church. I know tanks are perfectly acceptable, but ... I just never wore them myself. 

A few months ago, I started getting a bad sweat/friction rash under my arms, as my inexpensive cotton t-shirts would get sweat soaked from my workouts. So, I started trying out tanks, at least in the comfort of my own home (still not quite comfortable wearing them to Zumba) and ... I liked it. I found some cheap ($1.69) cotton ones at Walmart and stocked up ... in colors even!

I did wear this tank to Zumba ... with a black t-shirt over it.

So no one got to see my super sweat stain! (See, this is one reason I prefer black!)

I started wearing tanks outside sometimes too ... not trying to "tan" per say, but just to even out my farmer tan (even though I really tried to remember to put on sunscreen). When I'd wear a tank top to mow the lawn, I'd slather sunscreen in my already tan areas, and then hoped that the other parts could catch up a little bit. I even started wearing my tanks on my duck walks at times too (pushes the comfort zone a bit, sometimes I wouldn't see anyone on these walks, but other times, neighbors would also be out and about). 

I really tried to put sunscreen on my arms to avoid the ChargeHR tan line, but you can see I haven't been particularly successful there. Oh well, most of the time, the Charge IS there, so you don't see the tan line!

I'm pretty tan up top ... my legs are another story!

A Re-Interest in Pintrest

I go through phases ... I guess we all do, right?  I can't remember when I first discovered Pinterest. I was late coming to the party, I was NOT one of the first. Those first few days were Pinterest heaven though. Spending SO much time on the computer pinning things, arranging boards, imagining all the great things I would make ...

Then ... maybe months went by when I never even logged on. I might occasionally pin something, just to have it for some future moment of need, or check a recipe I knew I had on hand, but not a lot of time spent on my boards.

Just recently, I've had a re-interest in Pinterest. I've started looking up, and even TRYING some recipes. Yes ... I've been baking, that is NOT good for the weekly weigh-ins! A couple months ago, when Hubs was recommitting to exercise and eating better (another phase which is on hold for him with several Meniere's attacks and pinched nerve pain he's dealing with now) HE actually joined Pinterest and started keeping track of some food and fitness topics. 

Just like in my other social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) ... I have two Pinterest accounts. My original one, and then one set up for my JenB'sJourney, which focuses more on food/fitness (although I do share several boards with my main account). I think the only thing I've pinned lately are Zumba routines though. On my main account however, I've been pinning Birdhouses (I like birdhouses and have a little "birdhouse" garden), Ducks (as we have ducks!) and unfortunately a lot of desserts. I've actually tried out a few pins too!

I do plan on trying a few more of the recipes. I made chocolate chip cookies over the weekend (they were good), a simple chicken dish (just okay), churro waffles (the boys prefer Daddy's regular) ... I do like to "review" what I've tried. It's another board I have. Tried and Reviewed. I even have a "Pinterest" board, for all the funny Pinterest stuff.

 ... you can follow my JenB'sJourney or my family account  and I can follow you back, and see what you are up to. I do enjoy seeing what people are pinning, it gives me a little glimpse into what they are like, what interests them ... at least during a Pinterest phase. I also laugh a little at what Pinterest sends to ME thinking I might be interested in  ... 10 chocolate pins I might like? Seriously, I JUST got this email!

 I should probably go check out these recommendations ...

Cold Weather Wear

Spring has sprung according to the almanac, but we had quite the snow storm yesterday! Still plenty of chilly weather. Reflecting on this past winter, I realized that I'd added several new jackets to my wardrobe. Most all of the thin, fitness variety. Ones I take off at Zumba, and then tie around my waist. That's almost as important as it's regular use, right?

I'm always a little late with new fashion trends. The pullovers with the thumb-holes have been around for a while, but I only invested in them this year. I do like the look, and it does keep the sleeves in place, but it makes washing hands or looking at my Fitbit ChargeHR (on my wrist) a bit of a pain.

Do you like the sleeves with thumb-holes?

Do you prefer pullover or zip-up?
Do you want a jacket with or without a hoodie?

I'm never outside for long periods of time (no skiing or sledding, just the occasional snow shoveling duty, which warms you up pretty fast anyway) so I pretty much got away with just jackets this whole winter. I'm not sure if I ever put on a coat. The kids are worse than me! Just jackets! I was reading a newspaper article about schools trying to gather donations of coats, boots, hats and gloves for the poor kids that came to school without them. MY children have them ... they refuse to wear them! Then did finally consent to gloves during the coldest days.

I bought this DARLING hat for #4. I mean it matches his Terra Linda Tigers school jacket perfectly and it would keep his ears warm. Why won't he wear it? Why?  (I figured this would be hit or miss, although I did see plenty of kids wearing this type of animal hat at his school). I bought a couple bear ones too (the high school mascot is the Grizzly) but the bigger boys also turned their noses up at them.

I picked up these jackets recently for quite the steal (less than $6 each!). I don't know what the CB stands for exactly ... but it's the initials of both my little boys! They like them. The boys and I ... no coats, but several cute jackets!

#5 has at least been wearing long pants during the winter months. He likes joggers. He pretty much lives in compression shirts up top.  #4 ... he participated in a school Shakespeare play a while back. During the play, they had to wear tights or leggings as part of their costume. Thus were leggings discovered. Boys wear them quite a bit in basketball (an extra little layer of protection for the skin when they go down) ... but they can also be popular for everyday. My 12-year old wears them EVERY DAY now, making it possible to continue to wear his shorts all winter. Even as there have been warmer days, he's a little unsure about going back to "just shorts" ... he says he feels a bit naked.  We'll see what happens when it really warms up! Here's hoping!

What are your cold weather clothing trends?

Embracing the Black

What I'm Wearing Wednesday ...

I lack in color confidence. I've published a blog post about it (here). I do have a closet full of clothes, and many of those are different colors ... yet I always seem to find myself wearing black. Sometimes, especially in a Zumba class, I feel like I should be brighter. Red, Yellow, Green, Blue ... Zumba just seems to scream for bright colors. But not me ... I'm in black.

I'd picked up a couple outfits with some color ... some Zumba pants with a green stripe and logo. I got a matching tank. I got some bottoms with a hot pink stripe down them, with a matching pink top. I did wear them once in a while ... but recently, I'm back to black. All black, or black and gray.

I had some Fitstudio points expiring, so I looked on the Sears/Kmart website and grabbed the leopard print leggings in the picture above (free with my points! I get so many great deals with this program). Not totally black. But black shoes, jacket. I stopped at the store and picked up five black t-shirts today (yes, I just wear plain t-shirts, not special workout ones) as some of my older ones are dying, and Old Navy had t-shirts on sale for $5.

I think I'm just embracing the black. I mean ... it's even in my name (JenB ... Blackham). I need to color coordinate with my ChargeHR on my wrist, right? I'm sure I'll still wear some color from time to time. One of my pairs of Zumba Shoes are hot pink ...unfortunately.

Even my jammies are black ...

 

Music vs Silence

I LOVE music. I grew up playing the piano. I sang in high school and college. Music has such a profound power ... motivating you, making memories, affecting mood. In many ways, I think it's almost essential to exercise. To jogging anyway ... I am one that must match my footfalls with the beat. Of course music is mandatory for Zumba! I've posted about my music several times on the blog.

But something interesting has happened lately.

I always listened to music in the car. I can't stand commercials, so I'd generally go with an ipod plugged into the stereo system. Occasionally, we have to do a car swap in the family, and several months ago I ended up driving #1 son's truck for a bit. The sound system doesn't work in the truck. No itunes, no radio. And I actually got used to the silence.

I'm back in my burb now, with a working sound system ... but I'm finding I'm not turning it on. I've learned to enjoy the silence. I'm comfortable with it. It gives me time to think, or just be, without any noise.

I still love music. As far as exercise ... I'm going to continue to play my music (or in my home gym, TV takes the place of music much of the time). I know there are some runners who just run, without music. I've never understood that. HOW? I need that music to drive me (and who am I kidding, I'm not much of  a runner anyway). I know it's actually recommended for safety, to be in tune with the surroundings. But maybe, those runners have discovered the secret of silence. Of listening to their own breathing, their heartbeat, just being ...

In the car, there are times we'll turn on the radio or the ipod playlist, but most of the time now ... I'm driving in silence, and I like it.

Just Thinking Out Loud this Thursday.

Exercise, Chores & Children

I've given up on being a "runner" ... but I am an avid exerciser. 

Every morning I start the day with a workout, and then I do several more sessions throughout the day. I really like how exercise break things up and gets the blood moving. Instead of exhausting me, I'm more energized after each session.

I almost always get my exercise in. The same isn't always true about the house. Now, living with five active boys, I can clean the house ... and you wouldn't know it just an hour later. Admittedly, I often use that as an excuse.

As a SAHM, and with the kids back in school, I actually have quite a bit of time during the day. I really don't have an excuse not to get in both the exercise and the house work. Sometimes the two can even be combined a bit. I'll turn on the music and get in quite a few steps while putting things away, vacuuming, mopping, etc.  Often, I'll do one job (folding the laundry) then pop down for 10-20 minutes on the elliptical. Then I'll do the dishes and clean the kitchen, then hit my home gym again for some reading and riding (on the stationary bike). Prep dinner, then have a little treadmill time.

Occasionally, I have one of those days where one thing turns into another and it's just rather crazy. I wrote up a little of my afternoon this past Tuesday ...

... clean the kitchen, put away the peanut butter and jam, oh, the jam is gone. Run down to the food storage to grab another. Oh, I haven't put away the last few bags of groceries. Stop and sort everything. Empty boxes and bags out the recycling. Back to the kitchen, put away the towels I folded yesterday. Oh, I'll replace the hanging towels as they missed the wash last time. Put them in the laundry basket and oh, I need to put the darks in the washing machine. Back to the kitchen. Unload, the dishwasher ... I could use some music. I really need to update the playlist on the Ipod. Spend a minute on the computer, while that is syncing, go to the other computer and check Facebook and email and pay a couple bills. The toilets really need cleaning, spray them and let them sit. Back to the kitchen to load the dishwasher. Oh, the washing machine is done, I need to go put the clothes in the dryer. Oops, #2's clothes are still in there from yesterday. Set the dryer to warm them up and go vacuum the kitchen. Oh, that poor plant is wilting, hurry and water all the plants. Back to vacuuming. Ok, that should be long enough in the dryer, pull out those clothes and fold them. Shoot, I forgot about the toilets, quickly clean them ... I really should do the whole bathroom, but I'm actually not finished with the kitchen yet. Oh, the mail has come, so out to grab it. Quickly call Time Magazine and tell them NOT to automatically renew (I like it yes, but the kids are doing a fundraiser at school and will get credit if I subscribe through them) ... and speaking of the kids, it's time to pick them up! I'm off!

Do you ever have days like that? 

I actually felt like I got a lot done ... just very distracted!

A couple months ago when Daddy and the boys went to Seattle on vacation, I stayed home (vacation anxiety!) and had even more time than usual on my hands. I went ahead and tackled a couple projects. Taking everything out of the pantry and laying down contact paper. Reorganizing everything there and in a few of the drawers. It got pretty crazy there ... looked like the kitchen had exploded. Stuff everywhere! It often gets worse before it gets better, right?

I know ... it really doesn't look that "clean" (or Pinterest worthy) but this was a BIG improvement on how it looked before! Everything actually had a place, easy to put away and to find our everyday items.

Normally, one of the kid's jobs is to unload the dishwasher. After getting everything organized, I'll admit I was a little loathe to let the kids goof it up again. I wasn't sure if they would put things away in the new proper places. For quite a while there ... I was unloading the dishwasher. I did finally turn it back over to the kids (much to their chagrin) and they don't always get things where they should go, but that's life.

I struggle a bit with the whole "children and chores" ... I know the boys need to learn how to do these simple household tasks. They need to learn the value of work. So often, it is harder to be the "mean mom" and get after them, it would just be simpler to do it myself. Being a SAHM ... I am a bit conflicted too. I don't "work" outside the home, I do have quite a bit of time. The kids are so busy with school and sports. I remember as a teen having that "discussion" with my mother ... me saying "I have SO much on my plate getting good grades, extracurricular activities, etc ... I shouldn't have to do housework too!"  Even as the parent now ... I do still feel that way a bit, and I try to pick up the slack.

I've been impressed with my oldest. He is a hard worker. He graduated this past Spring and has a full time job at present. He gets himself up and off to work on his own. He packs his own lunch. He does his own laundry. He can handle many household tasks and can even cook quite a few dinners and such.  #2 has started to do his own laundry ... several of his white shirts are pink now. The younger boys have their jobs, and they actually get paid when they help Daddy with a derby. Even with five boys I still mow the lawn ... I like mowing the lawn. I don't like mopping the kitchen floor!

 I feel like the house is never really "clean" ... it's "straight". 

Often I don't make "dinner" ... I make "leftovers".

Here's a few funnies I found.

Just Thinking Out Loud this Thursday ... so many random thoughts on housework! Is it more important to take of me, or the house? How many chores should children have? How do working mom's do it all? Does blogging count as a household task?

Hat Hair!

I while back, I posted about attempting to wear at hat for some of my workouts (Hats and Hair). Since then, my little black cap has become a pretty regular feature at Zumba. I just never knew what to do with my bangs, they'd get all sweaty and lose whatever curl they had when I first arrived. The hat hides the hair, and also helps to catch a bit of the sweat, so it's not dripping down my face. On the occasional day we've Zumba-ed outside, I was grateful to have the hat to shade my eyes from the sun.

The problem with the hat, is what happens when I take it off. My poor bangs are completely crazy! So the hat can NOT come off, until I'm home and can do something about my hat hair! 

Do YOU get hat hair?

Food, Fitness and Faith

In the daily struggle for health and happiness, there are so many different beliefs. One person might trust something with all their heart, while another has an opposing view that they are absolutely sure is right. Many discover  "the truth" and want to shout it from the rooftops and share what they have found. People may believe ... but still struggle to commit, because the path is difficult.

Am I talking about religion,  or a food or fitness plan? 

Actually ... all three.

  

It's been interesting for me to note the various schools of thought when it comes to eating and exercise. Something new is introduced, and it gains followers and critics. Praised as "the way" by some, condemned by others. The low-fat revolution.  Zumba. Essential Oils.  There are converts to "Paleo" or "Cross-Fit" with such strong conviction it's almost religious. This is it. The way. The truth.

I've watched with interest as a friend raves about the primal lifestyle. Eating more meat and giving up grains and what a profound difference it has made. Then another friend swears that becoming vegetarian has completely changed his life for the better. As my eating habits leave much to be desired, I look at my friends and I know that they both have healthier habits than I do. Which is better? Is one of them "the true way of eating" that everyone in the world should adopt? What if I choose neither? Can I still survive without my quality of life being too compromised?

So many people rave about yoga ... again, in almost a religious way. More than just an exercise, it's good for the soul. I keep hearing about all the cross-fit converts and its opposition. There is a bit of a fanatic fever from both camps. I haven't really even looked into it, as I'm pretty happy with my current exercise routine. It's good enough for me and where I want to be.

Sorry if I'm rambling. It's been a bit of a tough time this past week or so. There have been some "faith" issues. Struggling with my beliefs and even if I do believe. It's actually not that new. While I was raised in a very religious family, I've just never felt very religious myself,  although I've gone through the motions. While I'm personally ok with my path, I've been ... outed so to speak (not out/out that I should be posting this  but I don't think many people who actually KNOW me even read my blog).  All this... it's sure affected my food  (comfort/stress eating anyone?) and fitness (fetal position feels fine). 

I've seen this quote applied to food, to fitness ... and to faith.

But, "what you want most" isn't the same for everyone, is it?

We don't all have the same goals.

I see parallels between faith(religion) and some of the food and fitness ways of life.  While people do feel very strongly at times about their eating and exercise habits, and these items do absolutely affect your life, there does tend to be a bit of leeway. Even though there is some proselyting and  judgement here and there if you do or don't believe a certain way,  it's pretty obvious that there are many different paths to take. My family hasn't grabbed onto any particular food or fitness fad with religious fever (well, one brother has, gone the raw route). But church? There is ONE way, one truth. The prospect of perhaps following a different path ... the impact, the angst, the expectations, the emotion. It hurts.

There can be more than one "right" way.

As I look at the different food and fitness options out there, I see that one thing may work wonderfully for one person, but not for another. That there is no "one way" for everyone.  I've got eating issues that would make following some of the food plans out there practically impossible. As much as I can see the success others have had, as much as I think it is good, it doesn't work for me. Yoga brings peace and a beautiful body, and I absolutely admire that. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and a bit depressed that I can't seem to feel what others so obviously enjoy.  So I don't do it, and that's ok. I don't feel condemned over these choices.

 Explaining. Pondering. Struggling.

Thinking Out Loud.

If Time Was Not An Issue ...

What if your schedule was completely open for a week?  I know many of you might skip out and go on vacation, but I'm not a vacation gal. In fact, a vacation is what made my "absolutely open" week possible. The hubs took the kids on a road trip & camping.  I stayed home. I just wasn't up for the travel and everything (Anxiety Issues, Can I Take a Vacation From the Vacation) and the prospect of some alone time is  appealing. It's not something I'd want all the time, but for one week in the middle of summer chaos, I'll take it.

This was my second time home alone. Last year the hubs and the kids took off, I did have a really productive week on my own. This year, I started off strong. I got in weekend workouts. I improved me eating ... I broiled me a salmon dinner with green beans (something I don't make with the family home as hubs is allergic to fish and the kids just don't like it). I tackled some jobs in the kitchen that I just can't do when the kids are around (cleaning out the pantry and drawers. I sure made a bigger mess before I got everything cleaned back up). I cleaned up ... and without five boys and their friends around it actually STAYED clean. I did tend to stay up a bit later, and then sleep in. Because I could.

I got in a few things that I wouldn't with the kids around. My boys are older, and very responsible, so I'm fine leaving them for an hour here and there while I hit my morning Zumba class or grocery shopping. But I don't like to leave them for too long, and they do need me around (chauffeur, chef & police officer "mommy" duties). Without any carpool or kid commitments, I went to the salon and got my hair done. I went out to my parents to visit and spend the afternoon. Played some tennis with my dad, went out to lunch with my mom. I was even going to try a hike with my brother, but then it rained.

It rained a LOT ...

 

One of our rain gutters is clogged, and I watched as the water dripped directly into one of the window wells. I kept an eye on it, and the water got higher and higher and I knew I needed to bail if I didn't want water damage downstairs.

 So ... impromptu arm workout that day! 

I got tired, and drenched!

I do feel a little bad missing out on the family memories being made on vacation, but it's often good to have someone home to keep an eye on things too. Man the mail, pick up the paper, mow the lawn, screen the phone calls, water the plants ... bail the window wells.

About mid-way into my stay-cation ... my motivation took it's own vacation! I was actually spending less time working out than normal. I had a bit of a binge ... with no one to see or judge, I ate ice cream straight out of the container. I made cookies, not a good idea with no one around to help me each them ( I rationed them for a day or two, limiting myself to one or two a day, then ... well, they are gone). I'd find myself thinking "I'll just rest and read, because I can always workout later" rather than my usual  thoughts of "I need to get this in now because who knows when I'll get it in otherwise".

It was an interesting experience, this "alone week" of mine. I've always known I like schedules and routine, but I can see that I can be much more productive, even when I have less free time on my hands. I manage to squeeze in my exercise sessions between the boy's basketball, walking while they play, getting up earlier and making the most of the day. I can make the time if I have the motivation.

So, as I'm writing this ... prepping my post on Sunday, my boys will be back any minute. I have a pot of chicken veggie soup and homemade bread sticks waiting for them. The house is clean (for the moment).  I know it will be chaotic as we unpack, there will be loads of laundry to do. We have a few more weeks to squeeze in any summer fun, as school is right around the corner.

I'd hoped to have SUCH a good food/fitness week while I had no excuses. I secretly thought maybe I could sneak my weight under 150 ... Unfortunately, that didn't happen. My weight is up ... I wonder how this gain would compare to what would have happened had I gone with the family. Oh well. I've had my vacation.  Time to get back at it. Back to kids and cleaning and carpools and fitting in workouts where I can ... which actually works pretty good for me.

Linking up with MIMM and Motivation Monday.

YOU can link up below!

An InLinkz Link-up

Anxiety Issues

Anxiety issues. I think we all struggle with them at some point. Different levels, various triggers. Everyone has their own personal experience. 

I didn't think much about "anxiety" really, until my fourth child started having some issues. He'd always been a very anxious child. He had several irrational fears ... water (swimming was a no go, even baths were difficult), elevators (we always had to take the stairs), dogs (I share this fear) and ... Tom Bergeron. That's right - the host of America's Funniest Home Videos. Totally freaked my kid out (those parts where they superimposed his BIG head onto other bodies during some of the videos). Seriously, my poor child would run screaming from the room and we had to stop watching the show for a few years.

When he was in 2nd grade, he developed a weather phobia. He'd nervously check the forecast dozens of times a day. Thunder and lightening would dissolve him into a quivering, crying puddle, but even clouds caused concern. School was a challenge. We had to make arrangements for him to stay inside during recess. I was getting calls and would have to come get him from class when he was distractingly upset. I hung a big quilt over his bedroom window and his room became his little cave of safety ... sometimes I'd have to bring meals to his room as he didn't want to come into the kitchen where there were just too many windows.

I did a lot of reading on the topic. We got some counseling and finally some medication.  He's doing a lot better (he'll be starting 5th grade in the Fall), he's no longer on medication. Although we all watch him whenever it is stormy,  and he still doesn't like it,  he can generally stay in control.

As I read up on the subject, the books said that anxiety and other issues are often hereditary. I looked a little closer at some of my "concerns" and irrational fears and I think they could be classified as such. With the weather phobia, it was so difficult because we had little or no control over that. My issues are a little more avoidable. I do avoid them for the most part, and feel "normal" ... until a situation arises and I have a confrontation with my concerns:

•  Cars: I hate driving in the car. For small trips around the neighborhood, errands and such, I'm fine. But add in any complications ... unfamiliar streets, driving in the dark, weather, traffic, construction, speed/multiple lanes (I don't do freeways), tricky turns (these continuous flow  intersections, even just left hand turns) and I can have a full fledged panic attack. Often the anticipation anxiety is worse than the actual event ... although it is usually so great that I don't end up doing the driving. For the most part, we've learned to adapt as a family. The hubs has to make up for my lack. If he's not available, I have to make other arrangements or miss out.  I'm struggling even when I'm not doing the driving. Even as a passenger I'm tense and miserable and dread any long drive (and my definition of "long" is getting shorter and shorter).
• Food: I've also mentioned before about my food issues. I don't know if that is "anxiety" per say, but again, much of it anticipation anxiety. People say "just try it" and I can't. I just know I'll gag and throw up and I can't overcome that. Knowing that I can't/won't eat so many things does create anxiety when going out to a social gathering. Dating was difficult.
• Social: I was super social when I was young. Heavily involved in theater. I'd perform on stage, singing and acting in front of big audiences, never being nervous. I'd host parties gathering all my high school and college friends.  But now ... I'm uncomfortable at most social gatherings. I CAN still converse with people, but it's a bit of a struggle. I hate crowds. You couldn't pay me to go to a big concert. Disneyland was a disaster for me.   
  

Vacations are just a total trifecta  ... there will be driving. I won't have access to my kitchen, my home. There will be crowds and social situations. ANXIETY! I've mentioned this vacation anxiety last year. When hubs and the boys went to New York a few months ago, I was invited but did not even consider trying it. With my issues ... it's just SO much easier to stay home.  Home is my comfort zone. I can feel "normal" at home. I tease my hubby that I'm a future shut-in ... except there is some truth to it.

This week, the hubs planned a Lake Powell trip with another family. I have fond memories of Powell when I was a teen (although I don't water ski, or enjoy the boat/waverunners). The drive isn't awful ... five hours or so. So I considered it. I did worry about food, I looked at the menu provided and nothing worked for me (hamburgers, hotdogs, ziti, tacos, fajitas).  Five days without my kitchen, without my home, A/C, bed ...  without my EXERCISE. Like the quote below says, I really believe exercise helps me cope with stress. I need that outlet.I'm sure there would be some great moments, but I also know I'd have some miserable moments. I'm afraid I'd have more of those.

So I've had a little anxiety this past week. Should I go? Should I stay? The hubs is supportive in whatever I choose. Unsurprisingly, I've decided to stay home. It's going to be so HOT there (100°). Even though I feel better about my body, I'm not really ready to live in a swim suit for days. Given the choice, the two little boys have decided to stay home too (#4, my anxiety boy is also a homebody, and I was a little worried about hubs watching the munchkin on his own *Ü*) and even #2 is now saying he is staying (I actually WANT him to go). Even though I feel better having the decision made, there is still some stress in getting everything prepped for those who are going.

My mom and SIL have encouraged me to talk to my doctor about my anxiety issues at my next physical. Although this does feel like anxiety, I do have the panic attacks ... for the most part I'm able to avoid the triggers. I tried some counseling sessions once (different issue though) ... I dreaded them. Having to drive to the appointment, talking/crying, filling out forms. I'd often be more depressed afterward. It seems pills are so easily prescribed, but I just don't know if that is the path I want to take either. Even without the actual anxiety ... I don't know that my tastes (for food or entertainment) would change. I'm just a homebody at heart and for the most part, I'm ok with that.

I do try not to turn to food when I'm anxious ... food logging helps keep me from mindless eating, helps me realize what I'm doing and hopefully stop. I do turn to exercise often, so it's doubly hard when the exercise option is off the table (there are ways to exercise on vacation, but it's hard!)

Do anxiety issues impact you or your family?

Sorry - not a super motivational post for this Motivation Monday. But it is something I need to overcome. We all have issues that affect our motivation ... what do you do? I wonder if anyone even read this whole, long thing. Sometimes writing a post is more for myself ... you know?

A quick weekend recap for MIMM (the Marvelous In My Monday link up with Healthy Diva Eats).  Zumba has actually been really good for me and my anxiety issues. I've pushed myself to try new classes, driving to new locations (carefully mapquested out beforehand) and meeting new people. I went to a new class on Friday morning! Saturday, there was a neighborhood social. Even with people I know, it can be an uncomfortable situation for me. I did go, and pushed myself to talk to people and I actually enjoyed it. Sunday, we went to a big family gathering. It did require a drive on the freeway (I was just a passenger) and crowds, and food that didn't necessarily work for me. Again, I did fine and enjoyed it. Baby steps!

WWI#50 and Random Facts About Me

It's Friday. Time to weigh-in. Looky there, I'm exactly the same weight as I was last week! I did NOT have a good weekend (I bought donuts on Saturday ... why do I do that? Then I eat donuts!). Saturday was very high on the intake. I did pretty good the rest of the week and managed a weekly deficit of 2534. Still, my average intake was 2429. That's high, even with my activity, which averaged out to a 3098 daily burn. I do really enjoy my activity.  Zumba every day. Elliptical every day. Some strength training to keep/gain muscle. A jog here and there (ok, THAT is only "exercise" ... I don't enjoy jogging). Getting some reading in while on the stationary bike.  It's not that I'm trying to out cardio my calories, I really NEED to stay active and moving and ... ok, I am trying to out cardio my calories. If you want more details on the day to day ... (Day to Day Doings) *Ü*

I'm linking up with  Fitness Friday with Jill and Aubrey  

and a late Weigh-In Wednesday.  

Onto the Friday Five ...

The DC Bloggers (Courtney, Mar and Cynthia) had a fun topic this week: Five Facts about You. I remember some years ago, there was a "25 Random Facts" thing going around Facebook. I filled it out then, and looked up mine. Most were still applicable. I had one ... "I don't know if I can live without Caller ID, Tivo and Blockbuster Online" which isn't really true anymore. I HAVE given up Tivo (PlayOn/PlayLater has taken over) and Blockbuster went out of business, so I really didn't have a choice there. I DO still need CallerId!). Anyway, I trimmed my list by five ... still leaving 20. I didn't know which five to focus on *Ü*

1. I wear a pedometer and record my steps every single day.
2. I always watch DVDs/Streaming with the subtitles on.
3. I’ve been para-sailing, swimming with dolphins, snorkeling and gone for a ride in a hot air balloon.  
4. I am a total homebody.  
5. I was the lead in my high school musical.  
6. I prefer Word Perfect to Microsoft Word.  
7. I have a scar on my chin from falling on the edge of our family fireplace when I was two  years old. It isn’t very noticeable, but when it was showcased how Harrison Ford’s  character got a scar on his chin (the 3rd Indiana Jones film) everyone suddenly noticed  mine too.  
8. I graduated Summa Cum Laude from BYU.  
9. I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was out of high school.  
10. I like to use ellipses ...
11. I’m afraid of dogs.
12. I ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich every single day for lunch until Jr. High ... and  I’ve never had once since. Same story with Cheetos (well, I didn’t have them every day,  but I loved them. Then I bought a big bag with my own money, ate half, and have never  had another).  
13. I’ve got an entire room full of unused scrapbooking supplies.  
14. I think the test for gestational diabetes (having to drink that horrid drink) is the worst part of a pregnancy.  
15. I was never able to potty train one child before the next one came along ... I went for 15+ years changing diapers with NO break.
16. I subscribe to ALL the fitness magazines (Shape, Self, Women’s Health, Fitness, Health,  Prevention). Used to be the scrapbooking magazines ...
17. I am nervous behind the wheel of a car ... I hate driving on freeways or places I haven’t  been to before. My parents had to FORCE me to get my driver’s license.
18. I had a cancer scare when I was a junior in high school. For about 36 hours, I thought I  was going to die. (Misdiagnosis of a lumpy lymph-node ... turned out to be nothing).  
19. I love to eat kids cereal for breakfast ... or dinner ... (mmmm .... Cocoa Puffs, Apple  Jacks, Capn. Crunch, Fruity Pebbles, Cookie Crisp).
20. I’ll never say never again.