Saturday, August 17, 2013
I am a picky eater. I have been for as long as I can remember. I think my mom tried ... I do have one recollection of a stand off with her. It was a tuna fish sandwich. I think we sat there for a couple of hours. Then she turned her back and I shoved it down the disposal. Other than that one memory, I don't really recall being forced to eat anything. There was no special treatment though, no meals just for me. I ate or I didn't, it was my choice. There was usually something I could get by on ... if not, I went hungry.
It is interesting being an adult and looking at my eating issues from a logical perspective. Or rather, the knowledge that it is not logical. I know that, I can see that. But I can't seem to change it.
I don't know that there are any hard and fast rules to what I will or won't eat. I just know. It's not even taste (it never gets to that point, I have never tried most foods I "dislike"). It's sight, smell, anticipation of texture ... it's mental, I realize that. Another childhood memory, when I was a little older ... a meal my mom made which I loved. She told me it was chicken casserole. I especially loved the little brown pieces of chicken. It was actually a tuna casserole, and the little brown pieces were mushrooms! Once I found out what it really was, I could never take another bite, even though I knew I had eaten it and enjoyed it in the past.
I took cold lunch all though school ... I ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich every single day until Jr. High. I burned out on those and have never eaten one since. The dating years were a bit awkward. I dreaded dates that included dinner, although I could usually find ONE thing at most restaurants and appear somewhat normal. My guy friends actually appreciated it at times- they didn't have to choose between soup or salad, they could have both (because I don't like either, so they could have mine).
My eating issues have pros and cons when it comes to trying to lose weight and eat healthy. On one hand, common diet busters like pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs, tacos ... none of that appeals to me (ok I'll just say it, I've NEVER tried any of them). I don't eat high calorie items like sauces, gravy or dressings. I'm even more picky when it comes to what I drink. I've never had anything alcoholic (so I don't have to worry about the calories or the lack of control that comes with drinking) and I don't really care for soda.
On the negative side, I don't like smoothies, or salads. Vegetables rarely make it into my food diary, there are only a few that I'll even eat (of course the ones I DO like are the starchy ones that don't really even qualify as vegetables). I'm a little better with fruits, but I still only eat about half of what is available (I've never had a peach, or any "berries" or cherries). The fruit I do eat is plain. I won't eat fruit processed or prepared in any way (no apple pie for me). No yogurt. I'll forgo bread before I eat any whole wheat. I'm not vegetarian, I like beef, chicken, turkey and fish but it has to be plain, no sauces or spices. Of course I like unhealthy fried chicken and fried fish, but other than those ... I never eat bread and meat in one bite. No sandwiches.
While there are plenty of snack foods and desserts I do not like, I still do enjoy plenty of them out there. Quite enough that it makes staying under 2000 calories a day a challenge. My joke with hubby is that "if you are what you eat, then I am SO sweet" ... and I am! Unless you try to take away my sugar! Then I get ornery. I'm working on it though. Someday, maybe I'll get it under control enough that I can open up my MFP food diary to public.
For now ... I'm simply trying to control calories. Once I master that, I'll move on to trying to eat healthier foods. Baby steps. I do feel a little limited, even though I know those limitations are of my own making. As I see others eating and actually ENJOYING healthy options like yogurt, smoothies, salads, quinoa ... none of the recipes or food plans online or in magazines work for me. I've seen threads about this topic on MFP from fellow picky eaters. At times those posting were encouraged to seek professional help. Ironically, I did get my Bachelor's in Psychology. I just can't even imagine anyone being able to get me to try, or like, a new food. On one of the message boards there was a link to an article about Selective Eating Disorder. It was interesting to read, and yes, sounds spot on. I've always thought that I was the pickiest person around ... but apparently I'm actually not nearly as bad as some people out there!
My boys are picky, but nothing like me. I am in an awkward parental position ... if I ever say "Just try it, one bite. How do you know you don't like it if you don't taste it?" Everyone will stop and look pointedly at me. It's the height of hypocrisy, I know. I have absolutely no problem with anyone else eating any of these items. I'll buy it, encourage it, prep it ... I've got a great lasagna recipe. Or so I'm told.
This blog is about my journey, and my eating issues definitely play a big part. Despite my limitations, I know I can still be successful. I will just have to take a slightly different road.