Anxiety issues. I think we all struggle with them at some point. Different levels, various triggers. Everyone has their own personal experience.
I didn't think much about "anxiety" really, until my fourth child started having some issues. He'd always been a very anxious child. He had several irrational fears ... water (swimming was a no go, even baths were difficult), elevators (we always had to take the stairs), dogs (I share this fear) and ... Tom Bergeron. That's right - the host of America's Funniest Home Videos. Totally freaked my kid out (those parts where they superimposed his BIG head onto other bodies during some of the videos). Seriously, my poor child would run screaming from the room and we had to stop watching the show for a few years.
When he was in 2nd grade, he developed a weather phobia. He'd nervously check the forecast dozens of times a day. Thunder and lightening would dissolve him into a quivering, crying puddle, but even clouds caused concern. School was a challenge. We had to make arrangements for him to stay inside during recess. I was getting calls and would have to come get him from class when he was distractingly upset. I hung a big quilt over his bedroom window and his room became his little cave of safety ... sometimes I'd have to bring meals to his room as he didn't want to come into the kitchen where there were just too many windows.
I did a lot of reading on the topic. We got some counseling and finally some medication. He's doing a lot better (he'll be starting 5th grade in the Fall), he's no longer on medication. Although we all watch him whenever it is stormy, and he still doesn't like it, he can generally stay in control.
As I read up on the subject, the books said that anxiety and other issues are often hereditary. I looked a little closer at some of my "concerns" and irrational fears and I think they could be classified as such. With the weather phobia, it was so difficult because we had little or no control over that. My issues are a little more avoidable. I do avoid them for the most part, and feel "normal" ... until a situation arises and I have a confrontation with my concerns:
- Cars: I hate driving in the car. For small trips around the
neighborhood, errands and such, I'm fine. But add in any complications
... unfamiliar streets, driving in the dark, weather, traffic,
construction, speed/multiple lanes (I don't do freeways), tricky turns
(these continuous flow intersections, even just left hand turns) and I
can have a full fledged panic attack. Often the anticipation anxiety is
worse than the actual event ... although it is usually so great that I
don't end up doing the driving. For the most part, we've learned to
adapt as a family. The hubs has to make up for my lack. If he's not
available, I have to make other arrangements or miss out. I'm
struggling even when I'm not doing the driving. Even as a passenger I'm
tense and miserable and dread any long drive (and my definition of
"long" is getting shorter and shorter).
- Food: I've also mentioned before about my food issues.
I don't know if that is "anxiety" per say, but again, much of it
anticipation anxiety. People say "just try it" and I can't. I just know
I'll gag and throw up and I can't overcome that. Knowing that I
can't/won't eat so many things does create anxiety when going out to a
social gathering. Dating was difficult.
- Social: I was super social when I was young. Heavily involved in theater. I'd
perform on stage, singing and acting in front of big audiences, never
being nervous. I'd host parties gathering all my high school and college
friends. But now ... I'm uncomfortable at most social gatherings. I
CAN still converse with people, but it's a bit of a struggle. I hate
crowds. You couldn't pay me to go to a big concert. Disneyland was a
disaster for me.
Vacations are just a total trifecta ... there will be driving. I won't have access to my kitchen, my home. There will be crowds and social situations. ANXIETY! I've mentioned this
vacation anxiety last year. When hubs and the boys went to New York a few months ago, I was invited but did not even consider trying it. With my issues ... it's just SO much easier to stay home. Home is my
comfort zone. I can feel "normal" at home. I tease my hubby that I'm a
future shut-in ... except there is some truth to it.
This week, the hubs planned a Lake Powell trip with another family. I have fond memories of Powell when I was a teen (although I don't water ski, or enjoy the boat/waverunners). The drive isn't awful ... five hours or so. So I considered it. I did worry about food, I looked at the menu provided and nothing worked for me (hamburgers, hotdogs, ziti, tacos, fajitas). Five days without my kitchen, without my home, A/C, bed ... without my EXERCISE. Like the quote below says, I really believe exercise helps me cope with stress. I need that outlet.I'm sure there would be some great moments, but I also know I'd have some miserable moments. I'm afraid I'd have more of those.
So I've had a little anxiety this past week. Should I go? Should I stay? The hubs is supportive in whatever I choose. Unsurprisingly, I've decided to stay home. It's going to be so HOT there (100°). Even though I feel better about my body, I'm not really ready to live in a swim suit for days. Given the choice, the two little boys have decided to stay home too (#4, my anxiety boy is also a homebody, and I was a little worried about hubs watching the munchkin on his own *Ü*) and even #2 is now saying he is staying (I actually WANT him to go). Even though I feel better having the decision made, there is still some stress in getting everything prepped for those who are going.
My mom and SIL have encouraged me to talk to my doctor about my anxiety issues at my next physical. Although this does feel like anxiety, I do have the panic attacks ... for the most part I'm able to avoid the triggers. I tried some counseling sessions once (different issue though) ... I dreaded them. Having to drive to the appointment, talking/crying, filling out forms. I'd often be more depressed afterward. It seems pills are so easily prescribed, but I just don't know if that is the path I want to take either. Even without the actual anxiety ... I don't know that my tastes (for food or entertainment) would change. I'm just a homebody at heart and for the most part, I'm ok with that.
I do try not to turn to food when I'm anxious ... food logging helps keep me from mindless eating, helps me realize what I'm doing and hopefully stop. I do turn to exercise often, so it's doubly hard when the exercise option is off the table (there are ways to exercise on vacation, but it's hard!)
Do anxiety issues impact you or your family?
Sorry - not a super motivational post for this Motivation Monday. But it is something I need to overcome. We all have issues that affect our motivation ... what do you do? I wonder if anyone even read this whole, long thing. Sometimes writing a post is more for myself ... you know?
A quick weekend recap for
MIMM (the Marvelous In My Monday link up with Healthy Diva Eats). Zumba has actually been really good for me and my anxiety issues. I've pushed myself to try new classes, driving to new locations (carefully mapquested out beforehand) and meeting new people. I went to a new class on
Friday morning!
Saturday, there was a neighborhood social. Even with people I know, it can be an uncomfortable situation for me. I did go, and pushed myself to talk to people and I actually enjoyed it.
Sunday, we went to a big family gathering. It did require a drive on the freeway (I was just a passenger) and crowds, and food that didn't necessarily work for me. Again, I did fine and enjoyed it. Baby steps!
