Thursday, April 10, 2014

A Vicarious and Virtual Vacation

This week, my guys are in New York City. My brother-in-law was taking his family, so Hubby decided to take the two older boys and his mom and join them. I was invited ... but I'm NOT in a New York state of mind. I am overwhelmed easily and New York City is, well, overwhelming. I have a slight panic attack even thinking about it.

I'm not afraid of flying, but I don't do well at sitting still. Road trips or plane rides are hard on me for that reason. I don't do well in crowds. I can't stand standing in lines. I am a creature of routine. I like schedules and complete control. I mentioned my vacation issues once before (here) ... that trip, I stayed home alone and I don't regret that decision. I did go on the Disneyland trip a couple years ago (Fall 2012). The "Happiest Place on Earth" ...  not for me. I think that was actually the trigger of a depression that packed on 20 pounds.

I'm trying to examine if it's my anxiety overriding everything. If I talked to my doctor, would medication and/or counseling help to overcome some of my issues? Or is it just me? Even if I weren't anxious and afraid, it's just not really the sort of thing I enjoy. I stress about the cost $$ the entire time. There are fitness/food ramifications as well ... I need to exercise. I NEED my exercise endorphins. Seriously. Any sort of vacation is going to disrupt that (although the boys walked so much on Sunday, that they beat me in steps ... I posted a comparison in our Fitbit charts on Monday).

And the eating ...
I have a hard enough time controlling calories here at home ... on vacation when you are eating out for every meal and indulging.  The boys are raving about the food, but that's another of my issues. I'm so picky.  I'm not sure I would have been able to find anything I liked at the places they've gone (I'm not a pizza or burger gal).  I'm really hoping they don't bring home that big (5pound) chocolate bar. Hubby brought that back year when he made a trip to the Hershey Store.

The actual reason behind the trip was to go see Les Miserables. A fellow we went to high school with (Will Swenson) is playing Javart.  Will and my BIL have stayed close friends over the years. I knew Will quite well too. We were in many productions together back in my acting days...

A Christmas Carol (left) and 42nd Street (right).
He also took me to prom.

That was my one regret. I LOVE Les Miserables, and it would have been great to see Will in it. But I didn't want it enough to overcome my anxieties and issues (hubby even asked if I'd want to fly in JUST for the show). But the cost would be too high. Time, $$, emotional breakdown. Besides, someone needed to stay and take care of the younger kids. The New Yorkers went to see the show yesterday ... Hubby said it was awesome (he loves LesMiz as much as I do). I have yet to hear what the 18-year old thought. Apparently the 15-year old fell asleep. 

Rambling a bit ... but it is Thursday, 
and Thursdays are for Thinking Out Loud.

Am I the only woman in the world who would say NO to a trip to New York?
How do you feel about vacations?
Do you love Les Miserables?


  1. I'm the same way with getting overwhelmed easily and not liking huge cities or crowds, but New York is definitely on my list of places to visit. I don't know if I could ever live there, but I'd be fine with a short vacation, especially because I love getting away -- I always feel so refreshed when I come back.

    1. I'm not really a vacation gal in general ... I get so stressed in the time preceding, the packing, the planning. And vacations (especially with kids) are exhausting to me ... I'm anything but refreshed when I get back. I generally feel like I need a vacation after my vacation! :) always, thanks for hosting "Thinking out Loud". I admire you as a hostess visiting and commenting on those who come participate!

  2. Having lived in NYC for 43 years, you are correct - it can be overwhelming. We left in 1993 and we haven't been back to Manhattan in close to 5 years. Never felt like a NY'er even though we lived there. Where we are now got built up quickly in the 90's and we look forward to moving to a small town in about 2 years. Love your blog!


    1. Even here in Utah... downtown Salt Lake City stresses me out. Just the traffic, crowds, lights. I can just imagine that NYC is 10xs bigger and "better" ... I know some people thrive on that, I'm just not one of them. I don't need a small town, just someplace a bit in-between. Thanks for stopping by and commenting :)

  3. Hi Jen...
    I am definitely someone that gets overwhelmed easily and I also love my alone time and schedules...
    That being said, you also have to find a balance. Ok...
    As a mental health counseling grad student with a degree in psychology, I think you (like everyone else in the world!) would benefit from counseling, not because there is anything wrong with you but because you can get some tools to manage some of those stressors and anxiety creators. You are a beautiful women with a great looking group of boys! You should be able to enjoy them...
    Look into planning a trip somewhere away from hustle and bustle - You need to enjoy yourself, too.

    1. Ironically, I majored in psychology when I was in college years ago. I didn't really even label my issues as "anxiety" until my young son went through a severe weather phobia. My research and reading to find out more how to help him made me recognize all the signs in myself. We did get him into counseling and on some medication. He's doing better ... although I am dreading the spring storms (thunder/lightening), winter gives us a break (snow just isn't as scary ... well, unless I have to drive in it!).

      I went to counseling once (for a different issue) and I dreaded it ... just having to take the time away from the comfort of home, to have to wait, to pay. Ironically ... some of the very issues that keep me from enjoying vacations too. Hubby and I joke (but not really joking) that I'm a future recluse. I guess it's good the boy's basketball pushes me to get out of the house. I had to totally push myself to try Zumba (leaving the house and exercising socially? Yikes!) but now it's one of the things I really look forward to.

      My enjoyment comes from comfort and routine ... I sometimes enjoy the memory of a vacation, but I rarely enjoy the vacation itself! Ah, issues!


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